Where oh Where...

.... has the time gone? I meant to make all these posts right after the surgery happened so I'd get the facts straight and have everything documented. and well that would have been a great idea because now I don't remember any of it!

I guess I should just be grateful that I wrote down/posted what I did, b/c honestly I wouldn't remember half that stuff either!


we were at dinner tonight with some new friends and somehow we got to talking about tate's heart surgery and it made me want to come back and check this blog out and its kind of sad for me that I didn't document it all.

I remember having to do pre-op stuff the day before... I remember freaking out about being late. I remember not sleeping the night before and being a total ball of nerves. I remember how quick the surgery went, because we were told it would take much longer. I remember the sudden feel of relief wash over me like a wave when we finally got to see Tate again right after his surgery, and how tired I felt instantly. I remember he got to leave the PICU really quickly. Like what they took him into the PICU around 5:30 or 6? (see i can't remember) the night before and he got to be discharged to upstairs around noon. (he couldn't have gone sooner, we were just waiting for nurses to finish their lunch so they could transport him). So less than 24 hrs. He slowly but surely lost more and more wires that were attached to him. Until he was just stuck w/ the chest tube (which was really the most annoying one), the blood pressure thing on his foot and the little heartbeat ones hooked to his chest, man i used to know what those were called and now I'm drawing a blank. See what over a year will do to your memory?

So surgery was on a thursday afternoon/evening. So the day after would have been friday and I guess thats where I've left off.

We were moved upstairs to the heart patient area... I can't even remember what floor that was on... 3rd? He had his own room, over in the corner. It was spacious and had a wonderful view. Not that Tate ever saw out of it. That day we spent in that room all day with him. We might have left him at dinner with the nurse, or we may have brought food in, I honestly don't remember. He was still pretty out of it, but we were allowed to hold him. He still had that chest tube in, and he had that for the majority of our time spent there. He was only allowed to leave 24 hours after having the chest tube removed. It was rubbery and whenever he moved, it moved and it "tugged" on him, and if you can just imagine--that wouldn't be comfortable for any of us. But he was a trooper.

Saturday the 4th of July we had some visitors. Ryan's sister Rachel and her boyfriend Nic came to visit. Then that night my sister laura and friend Molly came on their way back from taking care of my older ones. They were our angels, along w/ grammy and nick and susan. It was so nice to be able to focus on Tate and what he needed and to know that Ryley and jackson were being well cared for. That night Ryan went out and got us all Olive Garden for dinner. We ate, then Molly had to go, but laura stayed the night.

Ryan offered to sleep out on the couches in the foyer, so that laura could stay in the room with me. I slept on my handy dandy parent bed, and laura got to sleep on the make shift one on the floor using an extra pad from my bed. (thats how ryan was sleeping too--it worked fabulously.... i'm sure the doctors and nurses thought we were C-R-A-Z-Y... BUT it helped us stay together and that was the best thing for all of us! ok maybe just for me...i can't speak for Ryan and Tate, but i was glad to be together).

That night also since we had such a wonderful few and it was the 4th of July, we got to see over 13 different fireworks shows off in the distance. It was kinda cool. Laura and I watched them, while ryan watched some dumb movie... drillbit something or other. Tate slept. Oh blessed morphin.

While Molly and Laura were there Tate was being all show-offy and was pulling himself up on the sides of his crib/cage. I kept making him stop because hello.... rib cage wired together, and vertical incision down your chest... probably not a smart move!

Its so amazing to me how quickly little babies and children can recover from these MAJOR things. How they just sort of bounce back and how they take it in stride. If I in were tate's shoes, I would have been such a baby! If I ever find myself in those shoes at any point from here on out I will be such a big baby.

Sunday brought more visitors. The Coltons stopped by w/ dinner. We were able to go down to the hospital playroom. Tate LOVED it. We took him naked because thats how he was inthe hospital, no need for clothes. But after we got back the nurse told us we could have put clothes on him. I think by that point he had his chest tube out. Yeah he had to have, because in the playroom he was ALL over the place. A couple days before we left for surgery he learned how to crawl, so he was crawling all over and pulling himself up on things. He was loving every minute w/ the fun toys they had there.

That night we dressed him, and put him in the wagon and walked him around the hospital, and we got ice cream and walked around outside in the garden out front. It was the nicest day we had in the hospital. Its amazing how much better everything is after the chest tube is out.

I forgot to mention that every morning, bright an early while we were there, the surgeon and the cardiologist team would come in around 5:30 or 6am and make their rounds. they'd check on Tate and they'd really only be in the room for a minute. It was always wierd having them there and waking up to that. I'm sure we were a sight to see on our little foam beds in the corner.
After they left, the nurses would get tate completely naked and weigh him. Then they'd take him (diapered back up) down stairs to get xrayed. I hated the thought of him going alone, so I'd always get up and go with them downstairs for the x-ray.

the morning that laura had stayed over (cuz her flight wasn't until the next day), she was fortunate enough to be sleeping on the floor when the nurses undiapered tate and put him on the scale and he peed straight up and over about a gallon of urine all over the floor--some of it landing right on her! lol. he made quite the scene. i think it was that same morning when i went down for the xray with him that it was the hardest one for him yet. it might have been that they were weaning him from the stronger pain meds, or actually now that i think of it and i think the nurse missed a dose in the middle of the night and he had needed another one before they left for the xray but he didn't end up getting it until after.

the hard thing w/ the x ray was that they'd pick him up from his bed and put him on the x ray table. they'd need an x ray of him laying flat on his back, and the nurses would hold him flat and still for that, then the worst part... they'd need a sideview x ray, they would hold him on his side and he did NOT like that one bit. I was so sad for him and so mad that they didn't give him his medicine before he had to go through that. ughhhh...

ok i can erase that thought from my memory now.

Sunday morning right after Ryan left to take laura to the airport they came and removed his chest tube. I thought I was going to have to leave the room for the procedure because it sounded like too much for me, but again I didn't want him to be alone for anything.... and since ryan was at the airport w/ laura I stayed. It wasn't bad, they gave him some morphin before they took it out, even though he'd been off of it by that point. It was a quick procedure. He was so much happier once it was out. And of course we loved that he was happier and we moved that 24 hours later he'd be able to discharge.

It was seriously amazing to me that Thursday afternoon he went into surgery--major open heart surgery-- and monday morning he was released and was able to go home. It was a miracle.

It was so nice to be home and to have all of that behind us. Of course there were the little things like recovery and check ups and such that had to be done... and will continue to be done once a year (the check ups that is)--but for the most part it was over... all that stress and worry.

I could probably go on and maybe i'd remember more the more i take time to remember and process this stuff again, but ryan is climbing into bed-- pretty much kicking me out... well, it just means i have to go to bed now.

I can't believe its been over a year since this all happened and really at this point it doesn't feel real. I know we experienced this. The scar (though barely visible) is a remind to me daily that Tate is our strong little {miracle} man.